Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
After last night, I could never be a politician.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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