I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
