he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
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