I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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