You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
