dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
