Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Randomize
