The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
