I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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