she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
