CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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