I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Randomize
