I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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