I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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