Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
