Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
