does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
