No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Randomize
