i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
