Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
