Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I wannas sexs uuuuu
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
