Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
