I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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