Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
