I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
