Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
