Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
