If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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