wakey wakey hands off snakey
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
How naked do you want me to be?
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