I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
