Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
