3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
