her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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