Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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