Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I will pee on everything he values.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
