I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
