So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
sarcasm needs its own font
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
