I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
i out mim tonsoeep
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