Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
