i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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