it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
