You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
