I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
