we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
