Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Randomize
