im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
What a dumb baby whore.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
