I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
