I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
