on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
