Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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